Mani-Pedi

I, Fenway Bartholomule, had the esteemed privilege of receiving a professional mani-pedi from none other than Northwest Hoofcare's Ali McMahon yesterday! During the procedure, I was accused of looking baleful, forlorn, woeful, and even morose. My excuse? I don't usually like to hold hands on the first date. Nonetheless, I was a gentleman—and yes, she wants to see me again!

This morning, on the other hand, I am enjoying my beautiful, symmetrical, and athletically-balanced hoofies. In fact, I awoke feeling like a coiled panther, balanced on four chiseled, muscular limbs and ready to spring with a predator's grace on the first flake of hay to show itself. It came sailing over the fence, and I pounced. It was demolished.

Miss Arrietty got a rating of 9 for manners and 10 for cuteness—and if there's one thing I like better than being told how handsome I am, it's being told what a beautiful girlfriend I have.

Thank you, Ali. Next time, can you add some little lacquer palm trees?