Retirement hobbies

I've been weighing my options: sailing seems too tippy, whittling requires opposable thumbs, and crochet would be a muddy mess. I've thought it over, and I've decided that my retirement hobby options boil down to golf and gardening.

Golf, pros:

Golf: a delicious-looking pursuit! 

• Normal grass, a.k.a. the fairway, a.k.a. the appetizer
• Longer grass, a.k.a the rough, a.k.a. the main course
• Shorter grass, a.k.a. the green, a.k.a. dessert 

Golf, cons:

• Gripping the club would probably require some special prosthetics, which could be expensive and which could be in violation of course rules.
• Joining the country club could prove expensive.
  
  

Gardening, pros:

• Carrots
• Apples
• Lettuces
• Celeries
• Pears
• Peaches
• Plums

Gardening, cons: 

• The fence, which divides Here from There. It is designed to keep out chickens, but it also serves to keep out mules.
• The dirt. Unlike the pasture, where the grasses sit atop the dirt year-round, the garden has dirt atop the vegetables in some cases (carrots, beets) and dirt instead of vegetables in other cases (December, January). FarmWife says this is easily dealt with through the planting of cover crops, which grow on top of the dirt and happen to taste delicious. 

FarmWife suggests clicker training as another potential retirement hobby for me. I took this to mean that I would get a clicker and would reward her for such actions as delivering feed, removing manure, and rubbing my ears. She took it to mean that SHE would get a clicker and would reward ME for such actions as braying on command, pawing the answers to math problems, and answering yes or no questions with a nod or a shake of my head. Either way, rewards are doled out. Sounds like a good deal to me! 

Ears,

FenBar