Santa

photo from www.awkwardfamilypetphotos.com

It has been decided, for a variety of reasons, that I will not be sitting in Santa's lap this year. For one thing, Santa is coming to my local feedstore this Saturday and it would be a shame if he were somehow mortally wounded just 14 days before Christmas. I'd be mortified if I were to accidentally to squish him! For another, my trailer tabs have expired and my truck is running poorly. Instead, the human children will sit in Santa's lap, and they will take Paisley Clouddog as well. I will let Paisley borrow my sleighbells and green garland, which seems like the right thing to do even though I am being left behind and abandoned.

FarmWife seriously considered trying to bring us all (well, maybe just one token chicken rather than all 15) but for the sake of her marriage she nixed the idea before presenting it to the Board. It's just as well . . . with nine mammals and a flock of birds in the family, we'd run a serious risk of winding up on www.awkwardfamilypetphotos.com.

I will recover from this slight on Christmas eve—when Paisley is asleep in the house, deaf to the jingle-jing of the arriving reindeer, I will stand under the open skies and herald the arrival of jolly old Saint Nick! I will have first dibs on his sack of delights, and I will eat all of the herbacious edibles.

Ears to you,
Fenway Bartholomule