Farm Rules for Humans, According to FarmWife

Now I, Fenway Bartholomule, have a reputation for daring, for good sense, for chivalry and dashing good looks. I do not have a reputation for tooting my horn. (In fact, I lack a horn at all and I think that if I had one I would struggle mightily with it on account of the thickness of my prehensile lip.)

Nonetheless, I cannot stifle a wee slip of a grin at this list of Farm Rules, according to FarmWife:

10. Don't play fetch with the dog.

9. Don't go in the road without a parent (WAP)

8. Don't feed the mule WAP. (FenBar in: let's strike that one.)

7. Wear appropriate footwear in the barnyard.

6. Don't let the chickens in the garden.

5. Don't put anything mysterious in your mouth WAP.

4. Don't go into the paddock WAP.

3. Always wear a helmet when riding.

2. Be kind to the animals and each other.

1. Revere the mule.

For explanation on rule 10, our clouddog has a limb deformity and some arthritis. 

For explanation on rule 5, raspberries and sugar snap peas don't count as mysterious but belladonna berries and rhubarb leaves do. 

Rule 8 has been struck from the record and requires no explanation. 

Rule 1 is understood.