The Incredible Wonderment of Everything

This is one of those gorgeous days that just makes a mule happy to be alive. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the Volvo is disgorging hay at a steady pace, and there is nothing in the known world that is not right. The known world extends approximately as far as I can smell, which on a breezy day can stretch as far as the Jersey herd on Wickersham Street.

This is not a day to be spent in boredom. On a morning like this, every simple action is rewarding. The succulent divinity of my hay makes my tastebuds sing; the exfoliating abrasion of the grains of sand under my back make rolling almost addictively pleasurable. I will roll again.

If, however, you are human, you might be of the dangerous state of mind that there is no day too good for boredom. SNAP OUT OF IT! The world is full of wonderful things.

Baby Animals
Trail Rides
Falling in Love (ah, Katie Scarlett  . . . )
Nature (except large predators, and sticks which cast long shadows)
Surmounting Precipitous Slopes
Postmodern Literature
Brahms' Double Concerto in D minor
Pop Tarts
3/8" Minus Gravel plus Fines
Goat Lips
Orchard Grass Hay
Black Oil Sunflower Seeds
Beatiful Fences
Freddie Mercury's Falsetto

If there is not something on this list that makes your heart sing and your spirit soar, then you, my friend, are not 100% similar to me and FarmWife. That is OK, because this great marvel that we call the universe contains wonders to amaze all kinds. Perhaps you prefer singing the "black socks" song, or looking at the ladies of WTF.

If you're still bored, try this:

Volunteer for a charity. Perhaps you can find a local horse, mule, or donkey rescue, or a handicapped riding program that needs your valuable assistance.

Bake Pop Tarts for a local mule in need. (But please, do discuss this with his human in advance. Some humans can be so controlling.)

Make up your own lyrics to any of several wonderfully singable tunes. I recommend "If I Only Had a Brain" from the Wizard of Oz, or Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. "♪I see a little sillhouetto of a goat, Jasper Jules, Jasper Jules, watch him do the fandango. Thunder bolts are rumbling, hear my tummy grumbling for hay! Katie Scarlett! (Katie Scarlett) Katie Scarlett! (Katie Scarlett) Katie Scarlett likes hay tooooooooooo . . . .♫"


Plagiarize the romantic poets or bastardize your favorite Shakespeare soliloquy. There's a verse for every mood. As an example, here's Shakespeare on the barefoot transition: 

"To shoe, or not to shoe: that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler for the horse to suffer the stones and pebbles of outrageous pathways, or to wear boots despite their many troubles, and by persisting end them? To bruise, to limp; No more, and without limp to say we end the footache and the thousand ouchy steps that hooves are heir to. 'Tis a hoof condition devoutly to be wished. To boot, to try. To try, perchance to fail. Ay, there's the rub: for with that boot with gaiter what rubs may come when we have shuffled off the forged shoe must give us pause. There's the ease that makes simplicity of such long rides; for who would bear the rubs and breakage of the boots, the wasted time, the proud horse injured, the pangs of dislodged gaiters, the ride's delay, the many dollars spent and the stones."

Still bored? Ride thy mule. Come on, you know you want to. 

“The cure for anything is salt water—sweat, tears, or the sweat of a mule”. Isak Dinesen

Yours, 

Fenway Bartholomule