Fenway Bartholomule's Life Lessons

FarmWife has been melancholy lately because two of her human friends have died this week. Human people dying is just as sad as mule people dying and I don't want to hear you argue otherwise even though it is not intuitive. Just believe me.

I have decided to help her pick herself up and put on a happy face by publishing this list of Fenway Bartholomule's Life Lessons. If she lives by these lessons she can't help but become cheerier. Wait and see!

1. Never bite the hand that feeds you.

2. Be nice to people who are smaller than you.

2a.  . . . but don't let the Ponies take advantage.

3. Eat several small meals each day, broken up with several large meals and the occasional feast. Plus snacks.

4. Try anything once, at least. This includes stepping on the Evil Lines but only if you really, really love the person who asks you to.

5. Roll when your blanket's off. The humans prefer to say, "make hay while the sun shines," and that's an awesome life lesson too. So do both if you happen to have both a blanket and a baler.

6. Wear comfortable clothing.

7. Sing for your breakfast. It makes the Help feel better about getting out of bed.

8. Keep your room clean.

9. Go into the pasture every day, but stick to a well-worn Path in winter. That way, there is less Path and more Grass in the spring.

10. Cherish your true friends.

11. Don't complain, but do beg pitifully when the situation calls for it.

12. Welcome Change. (Change brought me FarmWife!)

13. Share your hay with the little people, but only if you have a FarmWife to give you more when you run out.

14. Never let the haystack grow to unmanageable size. (The human equivalent of this, I suppose, would be "hurry up and spend it before it's all gone!" I recommend spending it on mules.)

15. Kick up your heels.

16. Say please, and no grabbing. (This always works for me, which is why I get yummy treats every day and some other, ruder equines get none.)

16a. Always meet your FarmWife at the gate.

17. When in doubt, take small steps and watch your feet the whole time.

18. Wear orange in the woods.

19. Be kind.

20. Shine.